2/26/13


That cold rain outside is pouring down. But it's alright, some days go awry. 

Do you miss how the candle flickers- above whispered letters that soft bodies make before dawn? ; the electric room of making love. Smiling upon waking.






.

2/19/13

a dream.

I just want a small house, hidden by trees, that slopes down to the water's edge of a creek off the Bay. 
A dark wood cabin inside; where daylight peeks warm yellow light through cream curtains with the morning's tea…and at night seems like magic, dimly lit and inviting.
When it rains, there's a so-soft quilted couch in the main room to get lost in. 
A place where I can paint. Coming home from a day's work of designing. Photographs everywhere. A sailor's home. 

Then in the evenings, when friends stop by from their travels; I'll light the lanterns in the backyard. And we'll sit in rain-dried chairs and talk quietly with the sound of the waves - about literature and lost loves, who we used to be, and how much happier life is now. --- Like the 'ole tavern they stop by for one night before movin' on home. 


That's what I'm working towards. 


/ / / 



2/12/13

My Ghost

Think you're just my ghost.
Leaving the faintest trace of touch that's really worlds away. Troubling the mind into a whispered silence.

So I burn the incense and say the earthly blessings, thinking that if all the beautiful rhymes would work this time - in all that soft-hue sweetness of morning --- that the tremor won't go up my spine.
You'll be lost in that receding fog - and I'll be free of the haunting.
Cause your dreams - I want them for you. Want you to have your ever after. Maybe I should be looking up to the stars with a distant smile, thinking something about them seems familiar to some warm, wonderful memory. And nothing more. Maybe?

But it all comes alive in the depths of too-dark-to-see. Feels like fluttering. The shadows dance across the maple headboard and disappear.
Waking up covered in sweat, swallowing hard - trying to breathe. Shoving the sheets off the bed entirely. But nothing's wrong! Just the tapping at the window of a little pine. Apparently it's making up hardships to feel like the old self.
So I start to laugh at myself lightly.
Hearing slowly the sound of night, in my place, all around - the soft putters of night,  the wind howling with such a force, --- so let it howl and shake me calm.
Haunted in the stuff of letters. Not an answer comes to the lips yet unkissed of this.
And still it keeps feeling so good.


/ / /
Sigh. Oh constellations - tell me which way you're leading the turnings of that ochre sliver moon out tonight. Devilish grin like at once known. I look up and say "touché" to him.
Saying this quiet happiness is all true as kept promises. Saying nothing's going nowhere. Shimmer with delight.
Thinking of that ghost of mine -- like when you swear a smell from childhood strolls past you in the dusk.

/ / /
And in the daylight afterall, it does always come so quick and tiring, --- maybe all the fables do fade. What's that I was trembling with fear of? Mind has a tendency to roll the seas onward at the sound of a voice.

/ / /
So! Douse me in mud and crushed flowers, cause all's anew. Can't deny, through all the lack of things to share -- the air keeps on smelling so sweet. The smiles so easy, the laughter so much fuller.
And that's all more than I could say in awhile.

So ghost of mine - keep haunting.
Feel the gush of words and cherish it. I'll keep looking for that Peter Pan in midnight, and calling it nothing.



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2/6/13

"November" stills


Stills are up (hooray!) for the short film "November" that I worked on as production+costume designer from about August to December of 2012.

Check them out on the film's Facebook Page by clicking here! 

A few weeks ago my brother sent me the raw cut which I forwarded to our sound technician, and a close fellow filmmaker friend for any notes...and to share in the excitement. It was a fun project, not without it's large bumps-in-the-road like every film has, but an opportunity created to get the grand group together of the folks I'm blessed to call my filmmaking team, and friends.

Read my post-wrap blog post by clicking here.  // "The memories still gloriously looping - going back to - still looking up into - the silver walls, late in the night....as the room burns with the sizzle that equipment lights make after the film shoot is over. Zapping the frenzied fragments you remember between the leaps up&down stairs --- making sure everything is just right, yeah it's all right -- clad all in black and letting the night just roll over..."

/ / /  And just last week, all involved in the project were sent a link to the FINAL cut! Can't share it on here just yet though, as it'll be going into festivals submissions for 2013/2014...


Recap







"I realized these were all the snapshots which our children would look at someday

with wonder, thinking their parents  had lived smooth, stabilized-within-the-photo lives

... never dreaming the raggedy madness and riot of our actual lives, 

our actual night, the hell of it, the senseless nightmare road.

All of it inside endless and beginningless emptiness. Pitiful

forms of ignorance."


- Jack Kerouac, On the Road





/ / / Took a trip through an old photography series (above^ or CLICK HERE) with my morning tea today. And it's such a funny thing to say "old" since this era was so much of my writings on this blog. And so much of a constant inspiration for all the films that followed. 

All the places these souls went afterwards. We even lost one forever. But we learned of love, and we learned that you could really, truly, if you wanted --- share it all at once, feel everything the dark world had to offer, ......and then pack up the carnivale and move on to your own, so uniquely different, dreams. We're all such different people now. 

What a story that time was, which you can never quite tell just right, can never go back. But it really was that great.


CLICK each title BELOW to READ some of those old writings...

•  "Ignorance" on 10/18/09