I think that we never truly get goodbyes. See? For people like us, for people who see it often, feel it often, venture it often.....we never truly use the word quite right - there doesn't seem to be a way to say it right. So then ain't it something light - when we pretend to "cya later".
And you- ohhh you; I wanted words and hours and glances to span the ones we'd lost [we'll never have]; to make justice of the advice you gave - when I suddenly contemplated, all the mistakes I'd pave--d. Mistakes, "mistakes", -sigh- you've been such a first-chapter wonder to the body that I adorn.
To the priestess life! When it is that I walk barefooted and sore in a too-long green velvet cloak...slowly [swoosh] slowly, [as the velvet swipes the heavy cobbles] and I carry one thin red candle...and the wax drips down to my knuckles, and I don't hardly notice how it stings anymore. ...It's a hallway dripping with lace spiderwebs and dazzling, diamond flecks in the muddy crevices, and all the world feels like the bottom of a lampshade when a thick scarf is thrown over it.
The light, it peers.
The light, it douses us soaked.
I used to glance every single time before each ritual, at the streetlamp just outside- that curves just as if its grown from the heavy East Coast branches of the tree-that could swallow it entirely [but it doesn't].
I used to glance every single time before each ritual, at the streetlamp just outside- that curves just as if its grown from the heavy East Coast branches of the tree-that could swallow it entirely [but it doesn't].
And it satisfied me more than any of my "Wicken" bubbling brews ever did.
It filled my heart, and made me smile and I felt all of that putrid yellow-orange light....like I was soaring heart first into the orb, and upon reaching found it was just viscous, it was just nice. It was just hot enough, and it filled me inside just right.
And there I swam and swam...and felt my legs, and my arms and my tired, tired, hands soothed in the syrup. The maple syrup, the amber wax, that we do pour down our throats-from grooved break-proof glass; some invention of the doctrined state that reigns hard upon our vice-proven bodies..the scarlet flickers of candlelight, streetlight, do GROW the more we consume of amber, and the more we consume of each other. I'm a free-love Priestess.
Or at least I was.
Cause now I stare and stare and lie a different way, and squint and plead, and -sigh-; now it's just a place.
But it's the still the place I'd rather be.
So tell me please, will I remember?
Cause I remember..
... waking up to see the trees of 5 states whirling past in a green barbed fence of leaves and unease. But I felt so very calm. So very tired of course [nothing new], and my body grunted that as I shifted and I saw that you had seen. And I knew that we were driving, "driving in you car, speed so fast.." and we both knew. There was ground beneath our feet beginning to grumble itself, and all our family [that sweet family] is spreading&shifting in their spots..and switching sides...we came in so late...and no one even took notice. But we, we smirked a little too long after each joke that was made....thinking softly, softly, of the yellow silk-it fell just a little down, and your suit seemed just right, and the candleflames quaked, and the motown played, and we moved so, veryyy slowly...and I...
But tell me please, will I remember?
Since right before that answer^^ there's a space between the lines where 10 months are squezzed together into the thing that I'm now feeling.
Since it is that "The most important part of your life was your time with them, that's why you're all here...to remember, and to let go"
Should I leave it there?
I think we just might.
Because I haven't leapt the 3 tall brick steps off the "let go"--though we were certainly there to remember. [Oh I do remember]
And then it must be that we were certainly there to let go.
Close
And then it must be that we were certainly there to let go.
Close
the soft canvas pages of the leatherbound book.
...and the nauseous morninglight comes through the crack in the drapes and catches the light on my ringed fingers for just a moment.
For just a moment I throw back chin and laugh to no one and smile wider than I can again; and it feels like I'm all enveloped in it all again and we'll see each other tonight, and it'll go like......like it did. -sigh-
So then I pick up the book and feel the leather meet my leathered palms and I sweep the velvet cloak around my ankles and walk back down that the dark corridor, to something always just barely illuminated, ahead....
So then I pick up the book and feel the leather meet my leathered palms and I sweep the velvet cloak around my ankles and walk back down that the dark corridor, to something always just barely illuminated, ahead....
I'll be on a plane this time soon.
