Let me be

. . . . . .

I beg again - let me be free of you. 

Let me have a beating heart once more.

Leave the part of my mind that you've encamped within -- 

And let my sleep, oh sleep, be pitch hours in such a peace of nothingness - 

instead of vivid stories of us happier than, well - than you are with her tonight.

More lost than ever known, when every morning that I wake -- I remember all that's been. 

I remember that I love you.

And that we were just a whisp of air and promises buried under secrets,

Forgotten all entirely.

Yet still you look at me like I could save all the world -

-- and beg of me to be.

Still we know one another.
Every laugh -- immediately following, mourns for what it soothed.

No joy in waking hours found --- found my mind to be stone cold.

Because she wakes within your arms, - there are no chapters after that.

Let me be free of you now that all's been said. 

. . . . . .

Leavin' Nights

Hear that pounding -rrrCRACK!- thunder out there?
Let's run out to it!
Let's get soaked in something miles above - cause we're miles away -
Maybe we'll happen to meet, in the middle of our opposite edges of the country.
Lateral line.

/ / /  It was one of those leavin' nights   / / /

. . .

It's one of those leavin' nights - feel it pullin' me -
Well past midnight driving past The Pier.
Those hills up high are catchin' the light, of the biggest summer moon I've ever felt.
The waves crashin' still - and that smell of salt on my skin, & cloves on my just-numbing tongue.
[Your potion, it took too long to heat up]
Ease back into it, in the old seat...falling back over the chords in your song -- wishin' on more starlit hours to say everything.
Spent the last ones just starin' at who you are.
All the deepest secrets spilled out silently - caught up between hurdling laughter - how I should've kissed them goodnight!
Should've kissed, and awoken us.
Thoughts at the bottom of a sand dune, and a bottle of rum - on a blackened beach with shimmering waves of a color I could never define.
Dawn will come and go as always. I'll be packing my bags then - between early rays of light - in a crisp white hotel room. It'll be goodbye for now.
It'll be spilling over days of inspiration onto real creation.
It'll be leavin' a beautiful place.
Souls of broken hearts - we always find each other in crossways. We always come to this feeling - it's the closest to myself that I could ever explain.


. . .

Our fleeting, fluttering, falling into demise...

That soul I'm missing is just a ghost.
He's just a ghost.
His skin, his touch, his truest laugh --- all evaporating upon the summer sweat.

Our fleeting, fluttering, falling into demise-kinda-memories
are so distant that I swear
- it really was just a dream made up in half-waking,
like all the other dreams I have of us so often still.
To where my mind does rest these nights.
To why I toss and turn and curse believed-in stars -- until near dawn I just get up and start
another wearied day.

Can't remember what kissing anytime was like - oh what that was! - or the smell of him, anymore. But it's like breathing without a heartbeat
ever since.
Everything has come undone.
And somewhere too far back was the best I'll ever be for now. Grasping only brittle…disciplines-
of how to fix all my little world, again, for the big wide greatest-world out there sure does loathe us
knowing anything more.


I sure miss him when the day is done though. And every-day that very fiber gets smoked deeper, into the hollow lungs breathing numb.



That's it! Why don't we escape for a respite in this end?
Why don't we, have the beautiful joyful time that should've been in the beginning -- now in our imminent end-for-now.
( End for when? ) "End" has lost all emphasis to my ears - and yet it cracks the voice if ever said aloud - so of course my mind repeats it like a mantra.
Someday someone.
All the answers lay just beyond that flight across the country, across the promises --- across undoing everything I said before.
Screw it.
And let's be some of the days earned, and ached, and desired for so slowly for years.


Meet me at the point
where we fell for a love before. Follow me to the place
and we'll wake without uttering a plan or a word.
Just spend those hours entranced…
and walk slowly away -- cause life is stolen, terrible ideas -- the best we'll ever be.



.