Let's Move

I hate to start a post with "sorry its been awhile", but ages of distress have gone by since I last wrote, and evermore before. 

A few nights I sat down and cracked a new page in a new book and wrote. It had been weeks since I created something from inspiration; without clients, professors, critiques, and guidelines. 

It felt a bit like remembering everything all at once.

It felt a bit like it was time to move on. 

Because in the stage where the PRESSURE amplifies, and the projects terrify, and a nap is long out of the question...it feels a bit like never letting go. You keep meaning to call, to text, to Facebook, to document and forget...to finally feel something warm in the blustery wind. 

But to Achieve and Conquer and be the Best. Steal the "A". Reason the benefits of staying quiet or jumping - and landing a little off-foot. Another crit comes-lost free time-seal the job jacket-worry-and start the week all over again....with a little less clean laundry. 

Did I send that email? 

Well anyway, there's a certain stress that comes when winter starts to drag and crack in out little city. More people sigh, and count the days left-before anything has really begun. We tailgate home, dip out of class early, and hope somewhere there's a drink of relief/a warm couch/a cold pet nose/a tight hug/a nod of commissary...

It's all routine so very quickly, scraping so very shallow. Grab the gloves and rush out!

Feels a bit like its time to move on. 

The weather may not agree, and the conversations may not reflect it-but steps come-something changes in the way we walk. The pain gets crunched into muscles of our fingerprinted gaits.

And I can't make promises with my feet anymore. 

I sure could hide a little while longer.

I think the weather might change, the bank account steady, and we all might feel the balance of our summer-selves. 

Daily headphones: The Script's "The End Where I begin", Demon Hunter's "Carry Me Down" and Copeland's "Careful Now". 

Hold On

I can see someone breaking there, away from here. 
There's almost you. You're almost near. 

And there's almost what could've been prevented, the reason I couldn't explain to anyone else.
Tumble, tumble over again and hold on.

Without the use of certain words/names, when you forget the 'Soaps she used to watch, and his complexion before the chemo, and the back route to her kitchen with the homemade playdough, and his tropical fish.
And the sway of the music in a perfect slowdance...

Remember how we were a group of merry carolers? - Who sang with such enthusiasm, and forgot the time when it hurt so much.  
                          We were warming ourselves that night; hot with the ideas of dangerous habits and new creative feelings. And the groups kept coming down the stairs, and we kept pouring...and we all kept going, kept feeling joyous, kept tumbling and tangling...
I wish there were tangible remnants (like ticket stubs), when places were picked, and funny little reasons for giggles/blushing cheeks. Funny little vacation.

                      Before nothing came to be. Before someone else changed the world. Before we realized what could be destroyed...
Cause we seem to suffocate ourselves. Swallow too much; like a mug of mucky sweet paste....until our throats can never speak the same.
We never speak the same.


And somewhere there's an elderly couple holding hands, and you wonder what has brought them here, (so many-th Anniversary year), and you wonder why she has to break, and he has to watch....

Bow our heads and mumble prayers. It makes us artists. We'll make it through.
With luck we could grow grey together. And I could see all the places that have haunted me.

There's another day.
There hope, and there's faith....."I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah"

And I promise you I believe it exists. And I promise you there's all kinds of faith...so follow yours and find the chord. And promise me you'll love again.
The melancholy mood will turn, (try a chocolate dessert at a well-kept dinner date*), and we'll all sing and tumble a thousand more times.

 Cause it's the memories that we cherish, the love and winks,...even if it all hurts and breaks.

Daily headphones: Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah", from Rent; "Will I lose my Dignity?", and Aqualung's "Brighter than Sunshine", and the Faces's "Oh la la"

Feels like Today

It's days like this where I miss the water. 

Remembering with a rush...my bare feet, and bare legs, walking slowly across the slick bow of my sailboat...still adjusting to motion after a sleep that's deep below the ropes, the fiberglass, and the sails.
The sun warming the cotton of a tshirt and tiny shorts. I almost smell the fish in the brackish water, the wooden pier stained by last night's Coronas, and the coming heat of a free day.
---------------------------A car merges too close in front and I blink to brake in time! The wipers not going fast enough across the windshield, but squeaking annoyingly all the same.

I miss the Bay as everything gets drenched slick.

Exhaust pipe puffs billow and pop like bubbles. The sewers clog with muck...the discarded little bits of too many jaded county kids. This week's homeless man has a round rain cap and a melting help sign.

....This is how I remember Baltimore when I'm gone; it's how this place feels in the deep recesses.
It gives a little tingle, causes an overlapping of my trenchcoat across my chest, and feels like you could smell the whole city in one whiff of contaminated, chilly smog.
It's a little heartwrenching, a little confident, dirty, underrated, worrisome, comforting, and....purple.

But if you scratch your deep-painted fingernail against the dried muddy brick...you can find that certain Inspiration that keeps the old rowhouses filled with art professors, and the oddly placed venues filled with great local acts...

And somehow it's a New Year all over the world already. I woke up to it in the late afternoon, and went right back under the covers. (maybe that's a bad sign?) Cause the air was a sunny, whipping cold, and I lost the point that I had been trying to say....I gave up. I couldn't find the answers or make any real decision yet....trying to balance a hundred plans, a couple dicy memories, a few resolutions.

But for every couple days you hide inside, filling the tummy with baked desserts, there's a night to feel the city. To feel. 

Cause a friend once said it's been awhile since he'd felt alive. 

So, Baltimore I'm probably gonna be leaving you this year for a couple months. And whenever it feels like today I'll miss home. 

But hey, it's time we all felt alive more often. I guess it's time for 09.

Daily headphones: The Script's "We Cry", Bill Wither's "Use me Up" and (local) Railaway's "Unforgettable". 

Note: there have been some really great shows going on lately! Haven't caught one yet? Try...Fletchers this Sat. for Go Crash Audio, Halfway to the Moon, & Courting Amber.